My mom passed away in 2020 at the age of 88 during the covid outbreak. She neither contracted nor died of covid. She suffered from mild dementia which was exacerbated by the death of my younger brother in 2011.. My father refused to get her medical help and he passed away in 2014. My surviving brother who had lived with my parents also refused to get her help she needed. I reported him to the Connecticut DHS, but they said everything was fine. I brought her to Maine to live with me in 2016 after he became too ill to care for her. He passed away in 2017.
I effectively became my mother’s caregiver with the help and support of my then girlfriend. I did my best to get her the medical care she needed. As her condition worsened, I enrolled her in a day facility where she would be better cared for and where she could have lots of social interaction. Eventually, she moved into the facility full-time. It was a residential facility, and we knew that as her condition deteriorated she would eventually have to move into a medical care facility. .
Her health did deteriorate to the point where we were told that she had to leave. We were given no specifics as to why. She then moved into a facility for patients with dementia shortly before covid struck. I was not able to visit her for months. Eventually, I was able to visit her while standing outside the building and speaking with her through a window screen. During the eight months that she was there, she fell several times, the last time hard enough to break her dentures. I was told that they were not allowed to restrain her for her own safety and that they had to let her fall.
When she reached the stage that she needed hospice care, I told the facility that I wanted to visit her daily but they refused because in their words, she was not “actively dying”. At that point, I decided to bring her home, unaware of the seriousness of her condition. We expected her to be able to eat, to get up with help, etc. She passed away a few days later.
I write this to let you know that I have been there. My mother was lucky. She had a son to help her. Unfortunately, many of Maine’s elderly have no one or are neglected by family. Maine must put people first. We must re-prioritize our spending, work more efficiently and effectively, and eliminate politically driven tax exemptions in order to have the resources needed to help our seniors and their families. We must focus our resources on those who need them the most. As the state with the highest median age, we have a lot of work to do.
